I could sure use his help right about now. I've had my fair share of ups
and downs, but this is just getting ridiculous. I try to sleep as much as
possible, but all I have is Nyquil, and frankly, it's just not doing the trick
anymore. Every single day I
day dream about the minute I am tired enough to go to sleep, because that's
the only time I'm not thinking about my problems.
It really sucks that I don't have the balls to commit
suicide. I don't know what it is. It can't be the fear of pain, because I'm
always in pain. I've lived all my life without health insurance and I only crawl
over the the emergency room once every few years. I can handle physical pain.
Hell I would trade any of my limbs to get out of this depression.
Recently I've found myself going for a short drive. Usually around 3 or 4 am
when there are no humans around. I
feel alright until I get back to my place. What am I supposed to do? Stay on
the road? I can't do that. I need something to happen in my life and I need it
quick. I'm seriously starting to get some insane
thoughts in my head. Only time will tell.
